无老师iBT新托福,SAT作文巨讲堂(2012年05月号)

无老师满分范例:The second flaw concerns birds' ability to recognize topographical cues. They can remember a certain journey, but only after their previous travels via the same route. The phenomenon that birds that get lost could easily find their way home serves as a crucial example. On the contrary, the theory presented in the text is questionable. Furthermore, although birds can sense the earth's magnetic field, the text ignores a crucial fact that birds could only distinguish north and south. What they could not perform is to find an indefinite destination hidden in complex landscape, which even troubles modern geographical technology, by their simple censoring system. Therefore, birds' ability to sense magnetic field could not be the explanation for their navigation ability. 无老师优秀中文翻译:第二个缺陷主要集中在鸟类的能够识别地形学的线索的这样一个能力上。鸟类虽然可以记住特定的路线,但是只有前一次飞行也必须采用相同的路线的时候,他们才能记住。那些迷路的鸟类可以很容易找到回家的路的现象就是一个可以很好的证明这一点。但是与之相反,文章当中展现出的理论是值得怀疑的。 不仅如此,虽然鸟类可以感觉到地球的磁场,文章当中忽略了一个很重要的事实,就是鸟类只可以分辨出南北。但是靠他们的极为简单的感应系统,他们不能找到一个隐藏在复杂地形之中的不确定的目的地,不过这一点连现代的地理科技都做不到。因此,鸟类的感知地球磁场的能力并不能很好地解释他们可以导航的这样一种能力。 无老师平庸范例:The second flaw focuses on the issue of the birds’ ability of recognizing the topographical cues. Although birds could remember the flying line they should follow the same flying line which could be proved by that some lost birds could easily find the way back. On the contrary, the theory presented in the text is questionable. What’s more? Although birds could direct by the magnetic field of the earth they could only tell the south and the north which have always been ignored by the text. But they could not find the uncertain place which is hidden in the complex places by the simple detective system which could not make it by the modern geographical technology. So, the ability of the birds’ detecting magnetic field could not well explain the ability of navigation. 无老师精析:优秀范例The second flaw concerns birds' ability to recognize topographical cues.对比平庸范例:The second flaw focuses on the issue of the birds’ ability of recognizing the topographical cues.我们应该注意这里面的动词的使用,优秀范例用了concern,感觉平淡无奇,但是对比平庸范例的focuses就会发现我们几乎可以平庸范例一对一的翻译为中文,不会有任何的问题,但是,这其实就已经产生了问题,因为任何语言都有多样化的搭配形式,但是如果我们仅用最固定的,那么自然会显得我们的语言很贫乏,自然分数也不会高。 第二句和第三句,优秀范例用了They can remember a certain journey, but only after their previous travels via the same route. The phenomenon that birds that get lost could easily find their way home serves as a crucial example.相应的平庸范例,无老师特地写了一个很多考友特喜欢写的长句Although birds could remember the flying line they should follow the same flying line which could be proved by that some lost birds could easily find the way back. 平庸范例这句话真的是又臭又长!而且无老师还特地模仿了很多考友经常做的,就是不点逗号,当你们来看这句话的时候,没觉得你都不知道这句话从哪里开始,到哪里结束么?求求你们了!点逗号吧! 首先优秀范例,用到了certain来表示“特定的,某些”这个概念,但是这个概念我们平时经常忽略,或者用some来替代。而且这里我们看优秀范例的时候,如果你细心也会发现,如果我们也写only after这句话的话,其实我们更多会把这句话放在前半句话,那么这里的差别是什么呢?很简单,这里的差别就是更强调They can remember a certain journey这句话了。而且only after这句话还用到了一个小词“via”这也是我们很少用到的,其实可以换用我们平时常用的by、in亦或者through。然后后面的The phenomenon这句话,显然是serves as a crucial example是本句话最大的亮点!想一想,如果我们写的话,我们很有可能像平庸范例一样,僵化的用了prove来直译,当然更多的时候,我们是会用for examples这样的表达方法。可以说这里的serves as a crucial example一下就使得本句话显得很地道,当然很多考友,还会觉得crucial很陌生,简单来说,其实可以把这个词换为important是完全可以的。 至于第一段的最后一句话On the contrary, the theory presented in the text is questionable,纯属就是模板,因此无老师就在平庸范例里照搬了。 最后一段,优秀范例写的是Furthermore, although birds can sense the earth's magnetic field, the text ignores a crucial fact that birds could only distinguish north and south.平庸范例写的是What’s more? Although birds could direct by the magnetic field of the earth they could only tell the south and the north which have always been ignored by the text.好吧,其实无老师平庸范例里的direct写的比优秀范例的sense还好那么一点点-_-!!!其后就是优秀范例用了一个同位语从句,可是平庸范例用了一个定语从句,这里如果单纯的比较的话,两种从句其实是不分高低的,但是考虑到中国的考友总喜欢用定语从句,那么相比优秀范例的同位语从句,就丰富了句式的类型,显然是更好一点的。然后就是动词distinguish与tell的差别,可以说是不分高低的。因为很多中国考友很少会用到tell这个单词的“分辨(不同)”这层含义,因此其实distinguish与tell都还写得很棒! 接下来优秀范例:What they could not perform is to find an indefinite destination hidden in complex landscape, which even troubles modern geographical technology, by their simple censoring system.对比平庸范例But they could not find the uncertain place which is hidden in the complex places by the simple detective system which could not make it by the modern geographical technology.显然优秀范例的亮点第一点是在于could not perform,显然这里的perform这个词用的很棒!因为如果是我们自己写的话,我们经常写的也就是do,但是在这里很地道的用到了perform的“做到,实行”的这层含义,可以说极棒!然后后面的indefinite destination也是很显然比平庸范例的uncertain place要显得用词更准确,词汇量更广。而且优秀范例还将which even troubles modern geographical technology这句话插在了句子中间,闲的节奏感很好,不仅如此,这个从句里的一个trouble,显然如果是我们自己写的话,很有可能写为could not do之类的表达方法,可以说trouble这个词谁都认识,但是能放在这里作为一个动词来使用,可以说很出彩! 最后一句优秀范例Therefore, birds' ability to sense magnetic field could not be the explanation for their navigation ability.对比平庸范例So, the ability of the birds’ detecting magnetic field could not well explain the ability of navigation.这里的优秀范例再一次诠释了将动词名词化的王道!平庸范例显然只想到了中规中矩的用explain的动词词性,但是优秀范例将explain名词化为explanation,显然更书面一些! 与《无老师iBT新托福,SAT作文巨讲堂(2012年04月号)》http://www.ibtsat.com/archives/4651连续2个月的综合作文连载结束,各位考友想必已经有了思路,快快动笔开始写吧!^_^

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