无老师iBT新托福,SAT作文巨讲堂(2012年06月号)

无老师满分范例:I strongly agree to the statement that most advertisements makes the products presented much better than they really are, and points below supports my idea. An essential reason concerns the nature of advertising - advertisers, in most cases, would only make products seem better than they really are, not the other way around. Since the ultimate aim of advertising is to persuade people into buying something, and people would natually be attracted by something that is desirable rather than repellent, advertisements are certainly made to display a more attractive image of products. Therefore, customers would first be gravitated towards the virtual product that is somewhat dishonestly pictured by advertisers, then desire to own it, and eventually purchase it. In this way, the desire of consumers is satisfied, the purpose of production achieved, and the advertising process completed. 无老师优秀翻译:我完全同意大多数广告都使得产品展现出来的效果比本省更好,下面就是我的见解。 首先第一个要思考的原因是我们一定要想一想广告业的本质——广告主,在大多是情况下,仅仅是要让商品看上去比其本身更好,而不是其他的目的。因为广告的终极目的是要劝说人们去消费某种商品,人们自然而然的就会被某些他们所想要的不是厌恶的东西所吸引,广告必然是要展现出产品更具吸引力的一面。因此,消费者最初会被那些被广告的假象所展现的虚拟产品所吸引,然后就会想要去拥有它,最终就会去购买它。从这个角度来看,消费者的欲望被满足了,产品的目的也被达到了,整个广告的流程也就完成了。 无老师平庸范例:I totally agree that most the product in the advertisement is much better than the real product, and points below supports my idea. The first reason is that we must think over the very nature of the advertising- advertisers always makes the goods looks much better than themselves, but is not for other purposes. Because the final purpose of the advertisement is letting people buy some things, people certainly would be attracted by what they like, not by what they hate, the advertisement must show the bright side of the product. So, at first, the customers would be attracted by the fake image of the virtual goods, then we want to own it, and finally we buy it. From this angle, the wish of the customer was fulfilled, the purpose of the products was done, the purpose of the advertisement was completed. 必须承认,本篇文章的满分范文写的还是非常棒的!如此之好,以至于我们很多时候很难以在语言之间直接转换。因此,无老师作出的平庸范例写的质量极差,就是这个原因。其实语言与语言之间说到底是很难直接互译的,要说互相翻译,只能从意思的角度进行翻译,如果从句法的角度直接翻译的话,真的是驴唇不对马嘴。一个最简单的例子就是:我们都知道北京话,早晨打招呼,说的是“您吃了么?”如果一大早遇到一个外国人,直接说“Have you ever had your breakfast?” ,对方绝对不会认为你是在打招呼,只能认为是你要请客。但是我们很多时候,写出来的英文作文,其实就是将我们想的“你吃了么?”直接翻译为“Have you ever had your breakfast?”,而没有想过,其实英文里正确的说法是“Morning!” 无老师精析:第一段优秀范例:I strongly agree to the statement that most advertisements makes the products presented much better than they really are,对比平庸范例I totally agree that most the product in the advertisement is much better than the real product。其实仅就句式而言,两者差别不大,关键是用词上的差别。优秀范例里面的makes the products presented这个搭配,我们很难想到,因此平庸范例里面只能是很简单的用了is。后面的they really are很简洁地表示出了“产品本身”,显得平庸范例里面的the real product就有产生歧义的危险,因为这里本应该与之相对的是假的产品,但是其实句子强调的关键点并不是真假,而是是否是产品本身,因此优秀范例用了they really are,就显得很简洁,而且很准确。至于and points below supports my idea.完全就是模板了,没什么差别。 第二段:优秀范例:An essential reason concerns the nature of advertising - advertisers, in most cases, would only make products seem better than they really are, not the other way around.对比平庸范例:The first reason is that we must think over the very nature of the advertising- advertisement always makes the goods looks much better than themselves, but is not for other purposes.其实优秀范例里面一开始的An essential reason concerns也可以算是一个模板,因此咱们从后面看起,首先是优秀范例的the nature of advertising写得不错,首先是用到了nature这个单词的“本质”的意思,后面的advertising也与advertiser产生了意思上的差别,而没有通用advertisement,这里的advertising表示广告行业,advertiser表示广告主,可以说用词很准确。接下来的in most cases,就赤裸裸的比must更准确了。接下来关键是最后的not the other way around.比平庸范例的but is not for other purposes.好很多。其实平庸范例的but is not for other purposes.固然语法上没什么错误,但是优秀范例的not the other way around.关键是胜在地道,人家本身就那么说,就像是“您吃了么”那么地道! 接下来,优秀范例说了Since the ultimate aim of advertising is to persuade people into buying something, and people would natually be attracted by something that is desirable rather than repellent, advertisements are certainly made to display a more attractive image of products.对比平庸范例Because the final purpose of the advertisement is letting people buy some things, people certainly would be attracted by what they like, not by what they hate, the advertisement must show the bright side of the product.这里优秀范例先是用了since来表示“因为”,用词多样性的体现。然后ultimate aim来表示“终极目标”显然比平庸范例里面生硬翻译过来的“final purpose”更地道。接下来,就是persuade people into buying something对应平庸范例里面的letting people,显然,无老师故意很生硬的将其翻译成了让某人做某事,超级的中式英语!这里的persuade贵在言简意赅。 后面的that is desirable rather than repellent写的就很棒了,因为我们很多时候最多能想起来用desire的动词的词性,这里用到了其的形容词desirable来表示倾向,然后把我们经常当做desire宾语的something放在了主语的位置上,可以说很好的增加了句式的多样性。然后再接下来的2个亮点是are made to display与more attractive image。首先are made to display如果是我们写,经常就直接写上一个display了事,,但是加上are made to之后,就很好的显示出了里面的逻辑性和目的性。然后,more attractive image则是对比我们自己就能发现,我们很少用到attract的形容词attractive,想想我们自己如果写的话,很有可能就直接写了good之类的词,但是在这里,作者不仅用了attract的形容词attractive,而且前面还加上了一个more来表示与前面形成的对比,可以说写的很到位。 然后倒数第二句,优秀范例:Therefore, customers would first be gravitated towards the virtual product that is somewhat dishonestly pictured by advertisers, then desire to own it, and eventually purchase it.对比平庸范例So, at first, the customers would be attracted by the fake image of the virtual goods, then we want to own it, and finally we buy it.首先是gravitated一词用的超棒!因为,gravitate这个词,我们也就只能想到gravity表示“重力”的意思,这里将其化身为动词gravitate,表示“(像重力一样)吸引”,表示这是一种像地心引力一样不可抗拒的趋势,用的超赞!然后接下来用了一个后置定语dishonestly pictured by,显然,picture本身用作动词 “塑造,刻画”,我们就已经很难想到了,然后又用dishonestly对其进行修饰,说明这种修饰是一种有造假嫌疑的行为,是不诚实的,就显得写的超棒!最后又用了desire,而不仅仅是像平庸范例一样用了want,显示出词汇量的丰富性,当然purchase也是同样效果。 最后一句,优秀范例In this way, the desire of consumers is satisfied, the purpose of production achieved, and the advertising process completed.对比平庸范例From this angle, the wish of the customer was fulfilled, the purpose of the products was done, the purpose of the advertisement was completed.前后用了3个名词,分别为desire表示“欲望”,purpose表示“目的”,process表示“流程”,然后又用了is satisfied表示“满足”,achieved表示“成功”,以及completed表示完成。其实desire、purpose与process某种意义上都有“目的、欲望”的意思,is satisfied、achieved与completed都有“完成、满足”的意思,作者在这里不仅用了3个不同的名词来分别表示“欲望、目的”,而且准确的还用了3个与之相对应的完全不同的动词来表示“完成、满足”,可以说作者完全是有意的丰富自己的表达,使得看起来很丝毫不会枯燥与刻板!绝对是我们该学习的典范!

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