无老师iBT新托福,SAT作文巨讲堂(2012年11月号)

无老师满分范例:It is undeniable that communication skill has vital functions in people’s success. For instance, in many business conferences, fluent and effective communication ability would always leave a good first impression on other people and help to establish a reliable relationship among business partners. Also, in political negotiations, possessing of a solid oral expression would give the government more lead in negotiation and prevent possible misunderstandings when discussing specific details. As is shown in all the examples above, good communication skill would bring great benefits for people when they are in an actual career thus giving them more chances to open the gate of success. 无老师优秀中文翻译:我们不可否认的是交流的能力在人的成功上有重要的作用。比如,在很多商务会议上,流畅的和高效的沟通能力常常会给其他人留下深刻的印象,会对你在商业伙伴之间建立一个牢靠的关系有所帮助。同样的,在政治谈判中,如果有一个坚定的语言表示将会在谈判中给政府带来更多的优势,以及可以防止有可能的误解当讨论特定的细节的时候。就像上面所有的例子所述,良好的沟通技能将会给人们带来很多的益处当他们进入真实的工作岗位的时候,会给他们提供更多的去打开成功大门的机会。 无老师平庸范例:We can not deny that the ability of communication is very important in the success. For example, in many business meeting, good and high effective ability of communication would give people deep feeling, this will make a stable relationship among the business workers. At the same time, in the political meeting, if you have a stable word, this will give government more advantage, and this will avoid some wrong understanding when we talk about some details. Just what I said above, good communication will bring many benefits when they come in to the work, and this will give them more chance to open success door. 好吧,这次平庸范例写的下手太狠了。看完之后如果吐了,大家可以买3瓶“泻停封”试一下,如果不行的话,请买第四瓶。-_-!!!不过其实这个平庸范例由于是无底线写的,反倒是写出了一些中国考友常见的错误,咱们下面就仔细的剖析一下两者的区别。 首先第一句:优秀范例写的是It is undeniable that communication skill has vital functions in people’s success.。对比平庸范例We can not deny that the ability of communication is very important in the success.两者对比,就表达方式上来说,在It is undeniable that与We can not deny that这个环节上两者差别不大。但是后面优秀范例的vital functions显然就比平庸范例的very important在词汇量上略大一些。 第二句,优秀范例For instance, in many business conferences, fluent and effective communication ability would always leave a good first impression on other people and help to establish a reliable relationship among business partners.对比平庸范例For example, in many business meeting, good and high effective ability of communication would give people deep feeling, this will make a stable relationship among the business workers.首先,显然优秀范例的conference比平庸范例的meeting更为准确一些,因为meeting表意很宽泛,可以表示会议,也可以表示集会,显然没有conference准确。接下来是一个很精彩的点,优秀范例写的是fluent and effective,对比平庸范例good and high effective。首先优秀范例的fluent这个词用得很准确,也显示作者的单词量很好。不过最精彩的是在后面!平庸范例的high effective相信是很多人常用的表达方式,但是我们会发现优秀范例竟然没有high。这其实就是典型的语言上的差别,亦或者说我们的单词书翻译的不准确,其实在英语里,effective这个单词本身就可以表示“高效率的”这层含义,完全没有必要再加上high,但是在背单词的时候,我们却不知道这个单词本身是有倾向性的,这就是为什么我们写不出地道的英文的一个原因。同理,低效的,也不是low effective,而是Inefficient。然后接下来优秀范例还为我们展示出“给人留下深刻的印象”,不是give people deep feeling,而是leave a good first impression on,固定搭配哦,亲们要记牢。最后优秀范例还有一个亮点就是“建立一个牢靠的关系”,作者十分到位的用了establish这个词,这个词给人的感觉就是,从无到有,一点一滴的积累而成,这里用来与“关系”这个词搭配,显得十分准确! 第三句,优秀范例Also, in political negotiations, possessing of a solid oral expression would give the government more lead in negotiation and prevent possible misunderstandings when discussing specific details.,对比平庸范例At the same time, in the political meeting, if you have a stable word, this will give government more advantage, and this will avoid some wrong understanding when we talk about some details.首先在这里,优秀范例用了一个小also,看似平淡无奇,但是很好的将前后两句话的逻辑串联了起来,颇有四两拨千斤的感觉。然后接下来优秀范例,又用了一个很精准的词negotiation将平庸范例所写的meeting范围大大缩小为“谈判”,一下子剑拔弩张的感觉就出来了。然后接下来,优秀范例的solid oral expression其实不是很地道,但是possessing of却是用的不错,很准确的表达出了“拥有XXX能力的感觉”。然后接下来,其实平庸范例已经写得很好了give government more advantage,但是优秀范例,竟然将lead这个常见的动词给名词化,来表示“领先位置”,还真的是棋高一招!在这后面,优秀范例写出了prevent possible misunderstandings,本身一个possible已经写得很漂亮了,表示这个误解有可能出现,也有可能不出现,用的很准确。然后接下来一个misunderstandings用的貌似平淡无奇,但是我们对比平庸范例的wrong understanding就发现我们其实平时写了如此之多的中式英语!人家英语里根本就不用wrong understanding这种表达方式,人家本身就有一个固定的词misunderstanding来表达了,只怪我们对英语太不了解了。最后优秀范例又用了一个小词specific来表示特定的,具体的细节,显得很准确。 最后一句话,优秀范例As is shown in all the examples above, good communication skill would bring great benefits for people when they are in an actual career thus giving them more chances to open the gate of success.对比平庸范例Just what I said above, good communication will bring many benefits when they come in to the work, and this will give them more chance to open success door.首先,优秀范例的they are in an actual career虽然写的也很生硬,但是比平庸范例的come in to the work还是稍好一点。然后优秀范例的亮点来了!优秀范例写的是thus giving them对比平庸范例and this will give them显然优秀范例thus+doing这样的连接,使前后逻辑连接的非常紧密!反观平庸范例的and this will give就显得中庸,但又让人提不起丝毫的兴趣。最后优秀范例用的是gate对比平庸范例的door,显然gate就有城门的厚重感,衬托出success的艰难,显得十分到位!

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